Updates & Ramblings

May 4th, 2020: Created this website today. Not sure if I want to plan on sharing it. Today is Payton's birthday. I'm going to make her something (chocolate chip cookies probably) and go drop it off for her later. Might bike, but I haven't been super thrilled about that idea since that car almost hit me a while back. I've made some progress on The Screenplay! I have no clue what I'm calling it yet, hence "The Screenplay". It's not a ton of progress, but it's better than where I was a week ago, as in there's actually something written and it's not just an idea. I'm writing on Celtx, and its awesome, but my free trial expires in 5 days. Need to figure something else out so I can keep writing with all those handy formatting tools. It's funny how I can spend so much time on something pointless like this site, but it's impossible for me to finish a simple assignment for school.

May 5th, 2020: Finally caved and let Splinter (cat) into the back room today. He was very interested in the bird feeder and the Robin's nest outside. I kinda want to name the robins, but if we end up with another accidental robin suicide attempt, it's best that I am not too attached to them. Still, I really think the Robin mom seems like a 'Carla'. I really need to work on The Screenplay. I might attach it here if it ever gets done. Writing this is reminding me how much I like writing, as long as the words flow onto the page. I can't wait for senior year, when I can finally take classes that I actually care about and have an interest in. I think that's my problem, If I'm not interested in something, I can't work on it. I should fix that problem, or i'm not even gonna make it to senior year! The only two entries on this page, and they end with my acedemic troubles. Does that say something?

May 8th, 2020: I'm either gonna be one of those people who becomes an alcoholic at 18 and dies 5 years later, or I'm going to live to 102 and not let anyone fuck with me. My problem is, I very much prefer the first one. This sounds like some sort of comedy bit, but it's not. I'm crying over some stupid Simon Pegg movie because I related to much the the line about never being sober because things will never be as good as they were. I've had like 3 of these amazing fucking moments in my life that I over-romanticize because they're the only reason I'm still alive right now, and I feel like the only way to get over it is to shut my fucking brain up, which works to a point. But it never really does and I just want some good fucking drugs so I can stop thinking, but then I'm gonna end up dying at 23. i'm stuck in a circle and the only way out is to keep going around it

3:28 PM, May 9th, 2020: I went downstairs to have lunch and of course my mom was downstairs because whenever I try to avoid my parents they always end up exactly where I fucking am because they "never see me" but its because I fucking HATE TALKING WITH THEM because of goddamn fucking bullshit like this. I was microwaving water for coffee so I could have the enrgy to clean my room, and she deides to tell me about how when I get my driver's liscense, their car insurance rates ar going to triple and now i feel like such a fucking burden and i never want to learn how to drive. I'm not even allowed to until next school year anyway so why the fuck would she tell me that right now. she literally said "so stay on your learner's permit until you rob a bank or something" and also "until you have the money to pay for your car insurance" which is not something I want to fucking wory about when i'm barely 15 years old. had more to say but im gonna stop typing now because cant really see the keys im crying too hard.

5:57 PM, May 13th, 2020: I made a big list of all the movies I want to watch last night. Worked on it until 11. I was also finally able to listen to loud music with both earbuds in without freaking out about one of my parents trying to get my attention. It was really great. Made some progress on the screenplay a couple days ago, but I have a few too many ideas for the plot. That seems like the kind of problem i'd want to have (don't get me wrong- it is kinda nice), but I have so many great directions that I want this movie to go, and I can only use one or two of them. I'll try to write down as many as possible so that I can use them for other things later. Look at me, writing down ideas as if I'm planning to make 20 more movies! Jesus. Robin eggs still haven't hatched. My moss jar is doing well, I guess i accidentaly caught some gnat eggs up in it since i've got a good handful of gnats in there, plus some more strange roots and such. It's funny how quarantine has made me realize that I love someone as much as I do, especially since I haven't been able to see them in a month and a half or so. I guess it's not like I chat with them daily or anything anyway. Still miss them though.